A Missionary In My Own Home

God is so faithful to speak when we are willing to listen. Last Tuesday was an incredibly hard day…everything seemed to go wrong! I literally sat on the couch at the end of the night and felt like I could not move or speak! My husband asked me if I needed some counseling! Yes...it was that bad. Although he was joking with me, I really did need someone to talk to!! I lay in bed that night and cried. I felt like such a loser mom! I had been so fleshy…so easily frustrated, not walking in peace, not being gentle in my tone of voice, etc. The next morning I woke up early (totally God because I am NOT a morning person) and pulled out my Bible. I told God I had to hear from Him, that I could not make it without some direction from Him.

First I read some Psalms and then turned to 1Thessalonians.

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8 As apostles of Christ we certainly had a right to make some demands of you, but instead we were as gentle among your as a mother feeding and caring for her own children. 8 We loved you so much that we shared with you not only God's Good News but our own lives, too.

Ouch!! God showed me that as a mother I could be demanding but I should be gentle and caring. I should not only share His Word with them but also my LIFE. How many times had I been demanding and not gentle with them? How many times was I frustrated if they interrupted what I wanted to do...or in other words MY life? God has called me to lay down my life for my children. Surely if Paul did this for people that weren’t his flesh and blood, how much more should this be true for my own children that God blessed me with? I then remembered reading a few verses before when Paul said:

1 Thessalonians 1:5-6 5 For when we brought you the Good News, it was not only with words but also with power, for the Holy Spirit gave you full assurance* that what we said was true. And you know that the way we lived among you was further proof of the truth in our message.

Sometimes we Christians can get so caught up in “our ministry” or in “saving the lost” and yet we don’t live in a way that is proof of God’s goodness & love in our own home. I am guilty! If I am grumpy, frustrated, or tired-- if things aren’t easy and going my way it seems that I give myself the right to be fleshy. What kind of gospel am I showing to my own children? It is not attractive I know that. I would never let my flesh rear its ugly head if I was trying to witness to someone that was lost. I surely would never talk to my friends like that! Yet with the most important people in my life, I can sometimes live in a way that does not draw them to the Good News.

Now please let me clarify!! I am not saying ministry and reaching out to the lost is wrong. I believe in both. I am also not saying to be fake and put on a front for our children. I desire to be genuine but I also desire to give them my best.

God was so kind to give me this correction. I desperately want to present my Savior as one who is loving, merciful, powerful, and gentle. I definitely don’t want my children (or anyone for that matter) to be turned off by the “way I live.” Later I shared with my kids what God had shown me and asked their forgiveness. They were all shocked and reassured me that I was a great mom. God is so kind to cover our mistakes! But I still want them to know that I mess up and God can not only forgive me but also change me. I want them to know that His word is powerful and alive and can speak to us today. They all laid their sweet little hands on me and prayed the most amazing things. God ministered to me through their heartfelt prayers.

I thank you Lord that you do lead and guide us. Thank you that I know I am your child when you discipline me. Lord God, help me to be gentle and lay my life down for my children’s sake. Help me to live in a way so that my children can taste and see that you are good…because you are that and so much more!